Jana Hocking For Daily Mail Australia
Updated Feb 25, 2023 21:15, Feb 25, 2023 21:15
- Jana Hocking found her friend’s husband on a dating app
- she decided not to tell his wife that she saw him there
- ‘Cheating is never black and white,’ says Jana
I recently faced a moral dilemma.
I was scrolling through Bumble when I came across a profile of a guy I know. While not outright stereotyping anyone, he’s exactly the sort of guy you’d expect to see popping onto dating apps to peak a little sneak peek at what it has to offer outside of marriage.
I was faced with a decision… do I screenshot his profile and reveal everything to his very sweet wife, or scroll down and say nothing?
It opened a Pandora’s box of questions… would his wife want to know? Will I single-handedly destroy their marriage? Is it my place to interfere?
I took a screenshot and thought deeply about it. I asked a trusted friend about such a secret. I also googled the answer.
And after looking at this information for about 24 hours, I came up with the answer. It was a definite no. I didn’t tell his wife.
Now, many of you will be outraged by this. Especially those who have been cheated on before or who are currently in doubt. But my reasoning is very simple.
Cheating is never black and white.
Unless I literally walked by him uploading a photo on a dating site do I really know if it’s him? How can I know it’s actually cheating Perhaps, like many couples today, you decided to try an open marriage? You are amazed at the seemingly innocent couple who are now ENM That’s right.
Seriously, after writing about my own ethically non-monogamous experience, I was inundated with friends who admitted (under the cloak of secrecy) that they were in an ENM marriage. Say to shook!
I even had a couple in my friend group punch me for fun. Flattering…but sadly not my type.
There is another situation that puts the whole “cheating” in a gray area. I’m finding that in couples, one often loses interest in sex and doesn’t care if the other tries to find sex elsewhere.
Oddly, or perhaps not, this seems to work for many long-term couples.
But what about other examples of cheating? For example, a colleague in your office knows that you are married to someone else, but you always go out for coffee together, go to work events together, or have a very strong bond. Suppose it looks like Your instincts tell you they are having an affair and everyone in the office is gossiping about it, but should their partners know?
Unless you catch them red-handed, I don’t think that’s your position. You can’t plant a bomb in someone’s life without hard evidence. See, I speak from experience. Someone told me my ex-partner was cheating on me and I wanted to know all the facts.
where? when? How long? The problem is, this person had no proof. There was only a “whisper”. This sent me into an absolute spiral. I ended up looking through his phone and becoming very paranoid when he came home late and turned to his boys night to see if he was flirting with anyone. It absolutely hooked me. I didn’t recognize the person I was becoming.
So, if you’re going to tell someone’s partner that you’re cheating, be prepared to present your case. Without proof, you could quickly be considered a troublemaker. whether your heart is in the right place.
Sure, “where there’s smoke, there’s fire” is true, but judging by the amount of friendships someone has ruined by speaking up, I’d rather see a real fire before I pull out my megaphone. increase.
On the contrary, I think there are times when you should tell your partner. For example, if you know they are gaslit. If you’ve ever seen your best friend’s boyfriend try to flirt with a girl at a bar, I think you have the right to mention it. If you’re telling her “she’s crazy”. It’ll just save your best friend a lot of medical bills later. Haven’t you learned anything from the people at MAFS?
But if you find yourself in a situation where knowledge has come to light… it’s best to make sure you have a solid set of facts in front of you before dropping the bomb. , could get caught in a shootout instead. Let our drama remain a great reality show. Not so much fun in real life.
