What I hated growing up was the abundance of self-help books in bookstores and the many people trying to read them on the go. I avidly avoid those shelves and the people on them. I never understood why I had to read a book to understand myself and why it was a topic worth pursuing.
My job was to find my way in the world and learn from it. There was a process of taking on challenges and changing myself, but spending time for myself wasn’t my goal in itself, and I didn’t think too much about it. In fact, I thought it would be selfish to do so. I absorbed more and more, including stress.
I’ve learned to trust little “feedback” I receive from other people. Mainly, I was presented with almost nothing I hadn’t thought of yet and was always able to think of the motivation behind the feedback. In college and at work, I’ve heard my mentors often ask for my opinion on how to deal with mentees who are way ahead of themselves. But more on this later.
Was I cold and thoughtless, or a terrible fellow? No, quite the opposite. I was cheerful and made others happy and at ease. And I didn’t laugh at people or sympathize with their opinions. I just ignored people who couldn’t keep up with logic. Most of the time I was nice to them, but ignored them when they didn’t agree.
Now, if someone has a good idea in the book or on my team, I’ll take it in right away. And if an idea that made sense became unpopular for emotional reasons, we moved on anyway. My feelings just got in the way and I didn’t have time.
As a result of all this, I was able to get where I wanted to go in no time. I was successful, frankly not power hungry or devious, just very focused. I was very proud and confident of my accomplishments. People always came to me for advice and liked what I had to say. Not the other way around.
You may wonder, then, why I titled this work The Importance of Self-Development, and why I presented a lengthy preface. good. Life is not easy. In fact, there were some things about myself that I should have focused on earlier. It may not have changed my path, but it might have made the process a little easier.
One of the reasons I think I’ve come so far without stopping and thinking about myself is that I’ve had sharp goals all along. Something honed and honed in the late teens. The rest was just a matter of getting there. Many people I met felt like they were engrossed in millions of distractions and didn’t really know where they were going.
Second, because I was resilient. Each time we were stopped or delayed, we persevered, never throwing away ideas or changing the goalposts. But I was a bit like a climber who loses a toe or an entire foot to frostbite in the process of climbing Everest. I didn’t think much about self-sacrifice. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I resented other people’s enjoyment.
I cut into facing some of the biggest challenges of my life: Where do you think the main problems came from? Yes: an emotional area I’ve ignored all my life. Suddenly I was like a effervescent bottle disappearing with every little stressor.Bzzzzzz, and bam! My emotional reserves were so simply bankrupt that I could just say the worst things to people to get them off my back.
Again, logic and reason saved me. Because recognizing that I needed help was an important first step. Equally important is my unique way of finding time for myself and de-stressing. To try to understand, or to marvel at and participate in fully grown adults with the ability to dance around a bonfire for fun.
But the most important thing I learned is the value of feedback. Rather than the intrusive and restrictive stuff I mentioned earlier, it’s something that allows me to expand my own cognitive abilities by seeking the brain power and experience of others whose perspectives I admire. It doubles my own critical thinking capacity and includes many lifetime experiences other than my own.
I’m still not entirely in favor of self-help books or what they do for others who are battling their own demons. But while this is a big deal, I will admit that a big bust for others can be related to many things. Nor is it where you find solace.
For that matter, I acknowledge that everyone on this planet has something to offer that is worth listening to. Whether it’s talking about spices, triple tapping on bachata, or how to tame bad hair. A person who has followed a very different life can say the most insightful things that might otherwise have taken light years to comprehend. You can rest and rejuvenate and return to the pursuit of your goals with renewed clarity and enthusiasm.
And finally, I’m totally in favor of doing something for myself consciously on a regular basis now. It is an activity with immeasurable benefits. I think that’s exactly what they talk about in their self-help books: “me time.” I would like you to teach me the concept as well. Not as an indulgence for the rich, but as necessary as food and sleep.
The above views are the author’s own.
end of article
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